As publisher of Ownit magazine, I guess you could say that I am creative, right? Well, let me tell you I never took this remotely seriously until I was pregnant with my second child. I was 37 years old and had a great freelance assignment in marketing communication, serving clients with solutions to promote their business or products. It felt like I was struck by lightning.
Maybe it was the hormones or some innate force in me that gave me the courage to trust. I trusted my insights and ideas and gave room for creativity. I was willing to take the risk of failing, maybe for the first time in my life, and that opened a well of creativity in me. I couldn’t be bothered with making mistakes, I got the chance to give birth to ideas, and I walked on air. While before I was a kind of control freak, prevailing to make mistakes. Everything I had learned over the past years manifested themselves in those eight months I was assigned to this company, and they praised my creativity and quality.
I remember thinking to myself: “This must be how people with confidence feel,” and now I understand I was in the flow. I stepped out of my own way. I just stepped over barriers and crossed fear. I felt insanely happy.
Still, this experience wasn’t enough to see and own my creativity forever. I needed a burnout and several failing enterprises and finally starting an online affiliate business to realize I held myself back, time and time again. Everything had to be perfect as my perfectionism was my way to keep it under control. And I was absolutely convinced that this was the best thing to do.
I forced myself to do everything perfectly, to be a perfect mother, be a successful freelancer and business partner, to be independent, to earn my own income, to be a loving wife and a loyal friend. On top of this, I was highly dependent on the appreciation of others. I was juggling to catch glimpses of me, and it built up the anxiety with my rigid rules and standards.
This unhealthy relationship with myself, made me less fun to work or live with. I was so damn serious. While in essence, I am a very cheerful person who laughs a lot. I had to let go of this armour to release my greatness and my creative spirit. I had to learn to stay true to myself, to trust my own instincts, to see my qualities and own them. And also accept I am not a Michelangelo ;)), but a hobby sculptor. With every step I take towards success, the voices in my head start yelling: “go back, go back, you are in danger” … But now I know it’s my ego that is trying to protect me, to drive me back to my comfort zone where nothing new happens. As a creative spirit, I need to be out there, break the rules, look for new solutions, ideas, feel the uncertainty, feel the fear but do it anyway.
“I always thought my work wasn’t enough, which made me feel uncertain, so I would learn more and step out of my comfort zone, again and again, feeling even more insecure. I knew it all; I just had to own it. See and accept myself. Ownit magazine is my way to own my power, so now I can help others to own their power as well.”
Read the story in Ownit magazine #2 on Creativity: http://joom.ag/VZmW/p8
Hi there, pleased to meet you! I am the publisher of Ownit Magazine, an online magazine for spiritual, conscious, free-minded, entrepreneurial and creative women. This blog is an article from the digital magazine Ownit, see subscribe tab in menu. Contact me on email@example.com or connect with me on social media (left buttons). I'll be happy to connect.